Levi 501s

Is That a Banana in Your Pocket or Are You Just Happy To See Me?

They put me in a little room to remove anything that might contain metal from my body like my watch, keys, hearing aids, belt and glasses. I expected to be issued one of those backward facing blue hospital smocks but you are allowed to wear your street clothes in the MRI.

I pointed out that my jeans had metal buttons but somehow the attendant seemed okay with that. Her smile seemed to say, "What have you got to lose old dude?"

The MRI looked like an early generation Omnidroid sans tentacles. I laid on the attached mechanical sliding bed. My right knee was clamped down. I was told to stay still and was provided insulated headphones with piped in music.

The lights dimmed and the mechanical bed moved me feet first into the Omnidroid. As soon as my hips entered, the powerful magnets caused the button fly of my 501 Levis to rise up to true north.

"Sweet Jesus!"

I hadn't had this look since I was 18.

I needed to lay still for the first 35 minute session. The headphones muted the sound of the MRI. There were whirs, hums, and hammering noises, but mainly I listened to Frank Sinatra.

Thirty-five minutes is a long time to be still. My fingers became stiff. I wondered if it would be okay to wiggle them.

Images of the movie Total Recall came into my head. This seemed like the machine that would take you to your dream vacation or nightmare.

After the first session I was given permission to wiggle my fingers which by then could barely move.

My mind was active. I could write a book on all the things I thought about during those two sessions.

During the second session I began to laugh when I started thinking of some of the antics of my children. I really had to can it to stop my body from shaking.

There was a countdown clock. I watched as the seconds slowly ticked away. When it was all over, it took a few minutes for my fingers to loosen up.

On my way home I stopped at the first burger place I saw for a double burger, fries and onions rings. Laying completely still for 70 minutes made me hungry.

Monday I will visit with my orthopedist for analysis of the pictures.